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Archives 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 |
now
i cld only look back in time and think about e wonderful experiences we had. images still vividly in my mind as though it happened recently. i noe i was quite close to my destination but u have to stop mi halfway. many reasons cld result in this decision. and i thank u for giving mi a chance. and i noe that this chance cld nv happen again. if only i had worked harder if only i had been more persistent if only i showed u more care if only i showed u more concern if only i showed u more love if only i did all those the situatution might b in my favour. or worst come to worst stayed the same as before. but at least i noe i tried. i gave my best and i gave it all. no regrets for mi! frm quite a distance. mayb u didnt notice it but i do it quite often. there i saw a chance a chance to get near to u. i walked steadily towards u and ur grp. sat down politely while watching u eat. asked some stupid and irrelevant questions but u still replied mi. i didnt noe wad else to sae. the feeling was juz like first day of sch timid and ignorant. i racked my brains but i still cldnt think of any. i was initiating e conversation but u didnt seem interested. most of e time i juz sat there and kept quiet looking at the rest blankly. and u juz ate ur food. the time came for mi to leave. actually i didnt bear to leave so early wanted to stay longer and chat. was e onli time i cld get close to u. even as i walk away i tilted my head to look at u once again. waiting anxiously for ur reply. i noe u need some help thus i offered it to u. tot u wldnt reply mi duno y juz have tt feeling. as i felt hope was gone u finally replied mi. u didnt need my help because u think its alrite now. but at least u replied mi i cld sense some relief in myself. u even politely thanked mi i was actually quite happy. these few days i haven been tokin to u. i felt e distance btw us was huge nobody willing to take e first step. i was afraid. sometimes wanting to tok to ya but u kept distaning away frm mi or juz dun wanna keep e conversation. now i find it hard to communicate wif u not like last time. why did our situation become like this why cant we tok like normal frenz why why why why why. many questions asked many questions unanswered i was left pondering.. duno how to describe hard to explain. i feel tt i cant seem to get close to you even for a small chat. u left mi wif no choice but to see u frm one corner. i dun dare to get near to you now dun dare to talk to you dun dare anything. each day we merely said a few words. a simple hi or a question asked sometimes none. i duno y i dun relli like this feeling. how i hope we were like last time talkin and joking. not like e present moment we pass by each other like nobody's business. haha mayb im overly sensitive mayb i cant get over it mayb i cannot adapt or mayb its juz mi. i juz heard tt u may have a misunderstanding of mi. juz wanna tell u tt wad u saw or heard was not true. didnt attend tt day not becoz i was purposely wif her or wad was becoz im afraid afraid tt ur attitude to mi was e same as last time. didnt noe how to face u if i went afraid tt tension wld arise and situation tensed. didnt want tt to happen. i noe tt we may hav some misunderstandings in e past. and i noe we have already sorted it out. i duno wad else to sae juz need u to believe mi. i hav onli one person in my heart and it's u forever. nothing can change e fact even though it impossible. my head is v heavy quite painful hope its gonna go away soon seems like gonna explode anytime. proj dueing icas comin have not relli studied yet. duno how im gonna fare but im still hoping for e best. didnt noe wad else to sae im crappin my way thru haiz... im not feelin v glad my mood not so gd either duno y also mayb becoz of pressure pressure pressure pressure lots of em... or mayb im thinkin too much? interacted wif other female members of sbm club. whoah...didnt noe tt i was tt sociable. toked to them...find out more bout them also. especially joreen. kept tokin to her non stop. kept on askin some stupid questions to other gals also. it was fun. i felt my relationship wif e female members have improved also. even sunny and muqsit also. toked to them,laughed and joked about. was relli tired these few days. woke up damn early too. not enough sleep man. haiz...die le. proj still not done. hope to get it done soon. woke up early in e morning. oh man...promised june and vanessa tt i wld make 'ai xin zao can' for them. ive never made breakfast for any gals in my entire life. opened e can of luncheon meat and beat up e eggs.but e frying part was done by my maid. haha..after tt,applied some butter onto bread and put em into transparent plastic bags. i made 3 in all. for june vanessa and yoke huey. we havin proj meetin at yoke huey's hse which is at serangoon there. oni a 5 min bus ride frm my hse. intended to meet vanessa at serangoon mrt station at 11.00am. i arrived 5 min earlier. *beep beep*..there was a msg. it was frm vanessa. she said she was still at queenstown mrt. omg...frm queenstown to serangoon mrt was quite long.about 25 mins. sat on e floor and waited for her. played my hp 'daidee'.won quite abit too. at last she arrived..she wore a pink t-shirt and shorts with slippers and a small handbag.she was e typical cute gal i see in sch everyday. frm there..we proceeded to yoke huey's hse. i took a longer route instead of e shorter one. wah lau eh...yoke huey call mi stupid sia...lol. on our way,vanessa wanted to noe wad bus cld go to bishan. i told her frm e mrt side or e one further down. my june had already arrived wen we reached. she wore yellow shorts and a white top..wearing an adidas cap. whoah..first time saw her wear like tt. looked so sporty. i gave them e breakfast i made. hmmm...they said it was not bad. we found some info on e net we needed but e printer cld not print..duno y. e cartraige was full. no reason y cannot print. den my smart june discovered tt the printer plug was not plugged in. june's intelligence relli amazed mi..i wldnt hav tot of tt. wah...there were about 67 pages to print man.so many sia. yoke huey..u hav to buy a new printer cartraige soon..haha. i didnt do much over there. surfed e net and toked on msn. i was e lazy one there. e rest were highlighting e important points and doin their job.i was not. vanessa left at bout 2pm.coz she had to go teach tuition. yoke huey sent her to e bus stop. oh dear..vanessa took e correct bus but was e wrong direction. i think she hrd mi wrongly. tt time..oni june and i were alone in e hse. *heh heh heh*...we 'gu nan gua nu. anything can happen de wo. den tt naughty yoke huey suddenly msg june 'did colin touch u? r u still virgin?'. lol...damn funni lo. after tt i playfully replied her 'wah lau eh...y u come distub us. we were having fun in e room. nxt time muz call her dao sao!'. yoke huey soon came back and bought some chips. i was relli damn hungry and ate e whole pkt. for lunch, we ate beef steak,nuggets and chicken drumlets. e beaf steak was cooked by yoke huey's hse mate. it was relli gd. black pepper beef!yummy! june left about 5pm. i relli miss her man. she left so early. i still stayed there coz i dun wanna go hm so early. soon...yoke huey 3rd sister came hm. whoah..she looked relli diff frm yoke huey. she's 26 yrs old. as it was yoke huey eldest sister birthday..she made a visit here. i had to carry stuff frm e car back to fourth floor again. my legs damn tired. they invited mi for dinner. i didnt refuse. went to china town 'chang cheng zhou'. famous for its porridge. i ate a bowl of century egg porridge. yoke huey ordered e same too. yoke huey's family members r relli funni ppl. i was like laughing alot of times. especially her 3rd sis and her brother-in-law. it was v crowded over there but luckily we found a seat very soon. e porridge was gd.damn gd. nv had such gd porridge in ages. yoke huey's sis fren also joined us for dinner. decided to go to east coast to celebrate her eldest sis birthday. yoke huey and mi made our way there on ou own. her sisters,bro-in-law,and her fren took e car. of course we were later den em. luckily we were nt late wen we arrived. it was 11.45pm. juz in time. sang e b'dae song and cut cake.it was cheese cake btw. my stomache quite pain now..coz im nervous.coz its gonna b 12 midnight soon. march 7 in juz 15 mins. im tokin about amy's b'dae. intend to call her. but dunno wad to sae. luckily..gt excuse. yoke huey called her first..den i used her phone to tok to amy. luckily..she didnt gimme e cold shoulder animore. i guess shes back to normal already. tok for a few mins.wished her happy birthday and asked her wads she doin at e moment. we were e first ones to call her. wanted to sing a happy birthday song to her..but dun dare in e end. useless mi! we called peixin too and wished her happy birthday. yoke huey family were a bunch of funni ppl. we sat on e bench and talked cock. i didnt tok most of e time. listened and laughed at their jokes.at every moment there wld b laughter. they were very close to one and other. i relli envy em. another fren of theirs was at east coast too. she was called sunny. she looked her late 20s. she looked cute but her voice was even cuter. her actions and all were like vanessa. SOOOOO CCUUTTEE!! went to mt faber. wanted to admire e scenery..but frm our position we cld see nth much. it was v humid,there was no wind at all. i was sweating. was quite tired at tt time.was out e whole dae. her brother-in-law soon fetched mi hm. it was about 2.50am. relli enjoyed myself. changed and hopped onto bed.zZZzZZz met june at boon keng mrt station at 11.15am. but she was late in e end.10 mins late actually. nvm..i can wait. i arrived 5 mins earlier. while waiting,i saw kim ng and chen huihui. they were filming a programme on channel U for some food programme. wah lau eh...their make up scary sia. so much leh. can die sia..lol. june arrived at 11.25am. she brought a packet of rice wif her. she said i i cld share wif her. before we opened e shop at 12 noon. we went to a nearby 7-11 shop to buy some stuff.which included an 8-days mag,instant milk tea and a pkt of choc popcorn. not many ppl came into our store. i dun think tt many ppl wld come coz its a weekday? aniway..it was a fun experience. tokin to her..and e best thing was to look at pretty babes who walk past e shop..hee hee. i noticed some familiar faces though. i saw 'david gan' of nyp.e guy wif skin head and always wearing a cap. i also saw willin and company..who r kim's fren.and also an nyp couple who i also saw in sch. there was once a lady in her thirties entered our shop. her skin was flawless..dressed up like a 'tai tai'. she was relli gorgeous. on further notice, i found out tt she looked like a part-time actress in sg. june told mi she was. aniway..i kept gawkin at her since she entered e shop and wen she left.i commented to june how pretty she was. i tot i wld b boring over there.but i was not. june kept mi company and chattin wif mi. i also messaged eileen and vanessa during free time. they were e ones whu kept mi occupied. we closed e shop at ard 9.30pm. whoah..the 9 hrs plus seeemed to pass by so fast. how i wish i cld accompany her again.im sure there'll b a chance. went to PS coz june wanted to buy a watch she saw e other day. luckily e shop was not closed yet. but e lady was keeping some of e watches already. june found e one tt she liked and i readily paid for it. haha...didnt noe y i was so generous tt day. she insisted on payin mi but i declined. was relli tired after a day.but i still didnt sleep yet. instead i watched tv until 1 plus. and u noe wad..i didnt bathe for e day...too lazy..haha. thur e day had come. e day i have to face up to reality. i didnt want to go to east coast at first coz u didnt noe wad to do or say wen i face her. aniway..susan urged mi to go coz everyone is now alright. and she mentioned tt if i didnt go..amy wld think im still not ok yet. but im ok everyone. dun worry. dewang took a cab frm his house to mine.den we procceded to east coast. taxi fare was bout $11.20. upon reachin there..we went to meet up wif e rest. oni sean kel shumin weilun dewang and mi at tt time. e rest had not arrived. dewang and i started to fly kite. unluckily, e kite gt stuck up on a tree.but in e end we got it down by breakin e string. we got bored and started playin a game; guess e number game. if a person whu 'tio' 3 times wld hav a forfeit. whoah..my luck was relli great i cld sae. e first number was chosen by weilun. e first person to guess was mi. i chose 28 and suay suay..i was e one to 'tio'. probability of 1/100 and i cld guess it on my first try. i knew i wld lose e game and muz do a forfeit. in e end..i relli lost. my forfeit was to go up to a tent and open it. i readily agreed. as i noe i cld do it. i was confident becoz b4 tt i saw my fren in tt tent. he was my sec sch fren. i asked for his number too. when i went back..they thought i was very 'brave'. haha...they didnt noe tt tt person was my fren..haha. amy and gang arrived soon after. i didnt noe wad to say or do. but she didnt gimme e cold shoulder animore.i cld sense it. with more ppl..the game was more enjoyable. rina and marcus came together and joined us. dewang was e unlucky person this time. he went up to this tent and relli asked for e number. he was relli brave.admired him. went cycling together. e bike was relli gd. seat not so hard..if not my butt wld hurt. it was relli cheap. $6 for 3 hrs. it was a gd deal. weilun wanted to kayak. while e rest do not want. i think there were some small arguements. in e end weilun kel marcus and dewang wanted to go. so suay for em..e kayak shp was closed. they played water in e end. at bout 6.30pm..sean and i wanted to return our bikes.wen we saw amy on e grnd wif 3 indians standing up. amy's arms were scratched and her toe was bleeding. immediately sean and i rushed over to help. e indian guy gave us some tissue paper. naturally i used e tissue paper to help clean e wound on her arm. i also helped blow e sand away on e other arm. eunice rina and shumin came along. eunice took out her water bottle and pored water over e tissue paper and cleaned her arm. i,standing there,now,not doin anything wanted to help. while eunice cleaned her arm. i used e other tissue paper to wipe e sand off her hands. i think this is e oni time i cld hold her hand and arms. after returning bikes. i went to a convinience store to buy plasters for amy. we hurried back immediatedly. i offered her the plasters. although there was no thank u or anything. i felt tt if i cld do something to help her..i was already pleased. went to mc donalds for our dinner. i was not relli full.so i went to other tables and steal their fries..haha. e rest had went hm after dinner. but dewang marcus and his gf and mi went to play pool. was not relli gd. but still won some games. had not played for a very long time and it was a 9 ft table. played until 11.10pm.it was late already..dun think had ani bus left to go hm. dewang and i shared a cab hm. reached hm bout 11.45pm..legs too tired to move animore. watched abit of tv and den slept. haha...didnt bathe for e day but at least wash up and washed my hair. slept till nxt morn peacefully.. y u treated mi tt way. its ok i can understand. mayb i dun relli noe u at all mayb im stupid at such things mayb mayb.. there r too many maybs. there muz b a reason for everything and i noe ur reason. im stupid not to notice if not i wldnt have done it. hope tt things wld turn out fine not like now. u need time and so do i. hope tt u wld forgive mi. hope tt our frenship not affected by this. hope tt it can b strong and everlasting. when will tt day ever come i am still waiting... woot~ cant wait for tmr to come. goin to accompany june e whole day at her shop. meeting her at boon keng mrt station before we proceed to heeren. mayb im too bored at hm.wanted to go out. i guess i goona bring some books there for revision. but i think we'll tok more den study. hey! if u all r free..come down heeren look for us ya~ Anyone you think of Anyone can fall Anyone can hurt someone they love Hearts will break 'Cause I made a stupid mistake It can happen to anyone of us Say you will forgive me Anyone can fail Say you will believe me I can't take my heart will break 'Cause I made a stupid mistake A stupid mistake" people often make mistakes some realize and some dont. mistakes shld b forgiven if e person is willing to change. i am willing to change even if i made e mistake or not. plz dun ignore mi. i noe u need some time to think bout it but im getting quite anxious. i wonder where went wrong izit mi or wad. if no one can tell mi e ans i will take e blame on myself. i wonder when can this thing end its making my life terrible now. i wonder when u r back to ur normal self lively and jovial. i wonder i wonder.. i relli wonder. many things to b done many things to b said i've done or said wad i cld its all up to u now. |
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